I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
