do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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