have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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