They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
