I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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