The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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