I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
