Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
