i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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