It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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