At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I am one with the molecules
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
