Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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