Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
