I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
