Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
we should paint friendship bongs
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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