things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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