you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Operation Purity has been aborted
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
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