so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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