my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
