So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
