No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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