Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
