I could make wine with my vomit
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize