So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
It's official drugs can't kill me
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize