If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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