i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
