And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
