if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
