I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize