just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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