Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
