I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
