I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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