Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
