drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
