Who did Billy Mays play for?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
