Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
