Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
