Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
