Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
