Betty ford says i'm here all night
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
The beer is more important than you right now.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
