When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just gargled with NyQuil
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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