but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
