I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
