There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
