You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize