Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
