So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
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