he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
