Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
