dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You made out with two different species that night
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
