I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Randomize
