Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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