the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
