Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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