I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize