My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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