I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
