i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
