so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
