i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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