is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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