I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
