So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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