Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
