absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
