I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
