your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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