where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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