next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
