lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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