community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
