I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
