pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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