I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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