So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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