Midget sex pt 2 tonight
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
