I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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