Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Randomize
