I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
