yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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