I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I stole a fireplace last night.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Drake has all the answers
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
