And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
