He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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