I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
