brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
