I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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