There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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