so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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