Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize