I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
