You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
