and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
