Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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