The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
