i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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