My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
