There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I just found a bag of teeth...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
