Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
