i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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