never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
