that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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