i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
