yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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