Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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