STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
