Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
