I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
