I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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