Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
