I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
