it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
