I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
