Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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