i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I have feelings that need drinking.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
