I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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