Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Randomize
